Anupa Joshy
Grocery
Store
Description
Schizophrenia is a mental illness that can affect even the most mundane moments of life, often accompanied by visual, auditory, or sensory hallucinations. Understanding the illness is difficult, but it becomes more apparent through the perspective of those who experience it. A person with schizophrenia shared his experiences and a poem capturing a moment of psychosis during a grocery store visit with his brother. 'The Grocery Store' vividly portrays his intense emotions of helplessness and horror, supported by haunting black-and-white visuals that reflect the essence of schizophrenia.
The Writer
A wonderful man named Joseph Austin from Southern California, whom I met online, took his time to help me understand the illness and all the consequences one can face because of the stigma. The 31-year-old is also a writer, so I asked him for his written piece. He had this poem for a long time, explaining the horrors of psychosis. With his permission, I had the opportunity to illustrate his poem.
The Poem
They find me hiding in the corner
A grown man trying to disappear
among the produce like
a harmless, oversized carrot
"Are you okay?" my brother asks after waiting
to see me if I would notice him in front of me
I didn't, and I wasn't.
"Yeah" I say with a laugh.
"I'm fine. Just got lost in thought."
I didn't, and I wasn't.
I let him lead me through the store
I do my best to ignore the faces,
but they follow me everywhere
Friends from years and hundreds of miles ago
Countless in number, few in shape and form
Watching and daring me to notice
Goading me to say something and play my hand
I didn't, and I won't.
Eyes stay down and ignore the same
Five faces that have replaced unwary shoppers
Repeating themselves in my waking nightmare
Whispering snippets of conversations
stitched together from a hundred shattered memories
3
The sound of them begins to howl
A twister in the middle of the grocery store
Louder and angrier and all consuming
Shrieking at me for not listening
For not playing along
For not acknowledging them
I didn't, and I won't.
The minutes tick by in hours
As my brother patiently finds
each item on the list
Aisle by aisle
I throw the things he points out
In the cart without a thought
A zombie haunted by ghosts.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
I hear my brother ask.
Ten seconds later he says it
I smile
"It's nothing new. I'll survive."
I have, and I will.
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